☆Your Head Would Look Better On A Stick☆
Thursday, September 25, 2008
6:58PM - 385 Days I do believe. ..
So the sun did shine, and sine on it did.
The pills have been done for over a year, power of simply refusing to take any more because of how much they were changing me. I would get angry with Stormy, I would snap at mom for no reason and one day I yelled at my boys in an angry manner with a curse thrown in. It was that last one that finally made me take a look at things, I realized what I had just done and the looks on their faces.. not fear but not far from it.
I apologized to them, sat at the kitchen table and I cried.
I am not the person that those pills made me.
The day I moved out I put the bottle in the back of my medicine cabinet and haven't touched it since.
Mind over matter and a side order of fuck you to the 'doctor' that used me as a guinea pig.
Since then the sun has been spotted here and there more frequently, sometimes not as brightly as it could but none the less it is there. The stormy days are still around and I admit they can be pretty rough, but I can handle them. And if I crash well then I'll simply pick up the pieces that are still good, toss the rest to the wind and move on.
Well that is the plan anyways..
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
sometimes things work out in really weird ways
most of it for the better, what doesn't isn't essential
a few areas left to patch up and then the sun can shine
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Accept that somedays your the pigeon and somedays your the statue.
my uplifting quote for typography, i think it will look rather snazzy by the time i'm done with it.
Today started off as a very bad day, shakes and whatnot. So needless to say i didn't go to life drawing.
But then i went to andrews class, talked to him about what all was going on and he told me if ever i need help, or if something like this morning happens again all i have to do is talk to him and he'll help me through the rough patches.
Andrew rocks, his lectures are amusing beyond belief, hell even his band rocks.
Monday, January 15, 2007
"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest."
- Denis Diderot (1713-1784)
Saturday, January 13, 2007
I LOST MY HAT!! and now I am grumpy, it took way to long to find a hat that fit my big ole head.
and now if its not in the lost & found on monday I will be hatless.
now i go cry
Thursday, November 9, 2006
All of us are travelers lost,
our tickets arranged at a cost
unknown but beyond our means.
This odd itinerary of scenes
enigmatic, strange, unreal,
leaves us unsure how to feel.
No postmortem journey is rife
with more mystery than life
~The Book of Counted Sorrows
Saturday, November 4, 2006
9:49PM - Word of the Day
Religion - a daughter of hope and fear, explaining to ignorance the nature of the unknowable
~Ambrose Bierce, The Devils Dictionary
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
For To Whome This May Concern.
I'm still twitching thus confirming I'm alive,
this proved now I depart for that was all.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
tonight i have learned something that was surprising, mildly disturbing and has left me a state of total shock..
but it left me with the understanding of why their phone is always busy.
that is all
Friday, August 18, 2006
god damn I'm bored, i'm fucking tired of being tired, i'm sick of being hungry but not being able to keep much down. I despise feeling like im trapped in this stupid house. I'm tired of him trying to push pills on me, nor is her suggesting various "treatment centers" doing me any good. If its just in my head then it should be as easy as mind over matter but its not. If its something medical you think they would have found out what it is by now.
And since I've been off for the week due to a doctors note I have to spend monday going to my twit of a doctor seeing what she says, taking my 'captins log' along for the ride so they can see exactly how my week has been, then going back to emergency and update them and if they prove im better i need a note to go back to work if i'm not then i need another note to excuse me from work a little longer. People seem to be on the same page of telling me I look like crap, which is what I feel like but due to the lack of energy these comment are doing more harm then anything for some reason.
Then theres the fact that Im the reason why they wont take the boys for a night, let alone a few hours which is therefore the reason why karie is inches away from either have a breakdown or destroying all evidence that nairn ever existed.
All I can hear is clinking of utensils, the clinking signifies a supper that during I get stared down for 1/2 hr (to make Im eating and not dropping it into my invisible napkin) during which I make of point of chewing all food until its as close to being liquid as humanely possible so I can keep it in me for a wee while. And above all else of this mini rant, I miss not being to drink a large coffee, that milk does'nt taste the same and I don't have enough energy to do something of any value.
god damn life can fucking blow rotten chunks sometimes.
supper- a salad, I coundl't finish a fucking salad. mabey 10 peices of lettuce, a few good chunks of tomatoes & 6 peice's of cucumber and some dressing. I finished of the cucumbers after peeling off the skin, just under half the lettuce and none of the tomatoes. I reminded mom that I love food *she looked worried* but as I said it I caught a sob in my throat, things are gettting fucked up. I think I'll smoke that joint tonight and flip reality away for a little while.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
"Art is a nation's most precious heritage. For it is in our works of art that we reveal to ourselves and to others, the inner vision which guides us as a nation. And where there is no vision, the people perish." - Lyndon B. Johnson 1965
Sunday, June 18, 2006
|Your Personality Is Like Marijuana|
You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you!
Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down.
You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.
|Your Monster Profile|
You Feast On: Jack and Coke
You Lurk Around In: Closets
You Especially Like to Torment: Crybabies
Friday, February 10, 2006
12:47AM - fuck it
nothing is as good as what it used to be
nothing will work out into the way it should
nothing is as important as knowing the truth
the truth is your are nothing to me now
the truth is it will never be the way it once was
the truth is nothing was ever meant to be
sometimes we try to hold onto the memories
sometimes we wish for all our dreams
lost in the sea of broken hearts
lost in the field of battered minds
lost forever in the mist of sadness
history repeats itself again and again
history can never change
Saturday, September 24, 2005
2:23AM - HAPPY FALL TIME
So school.. doesn't feel like school, more like a very sporadic job. But I'm enjoying it to the fullest, my classes rock, the teachers rock even the cafeteria food kicks ass. My english teaching man looks like patrick swazi, my typography teachers wants to be called the grand pumba and then there is andrew who once biked from manitoba to mexico then to california only to come back again and become our design concept teacher. "feel the paper.. ooohhh pretty paper" Our drawing teacher is very old and very british, damn the exploding apples. Colour theory is beginning to seem evil from the power of gouache paint but the teacher remebers my name, studio techniques is where we learn to do fun things and our teacher doesnt really care how or why as long as you do it. what else, oh yes art history.. . i try oh god do i try but 3hrs a week for 2 chapters(movements) is unreal and sadely boring. We skipped asian art and if we skip renaissance, i will be angry. And finally there is photography which is pretty snazzy, he plays this weird jungle/trance music in the darkroom and the lights glow red. I sit beside mel who is a insane christian crack fiend who is bringing her anima so we can watch it, as long as i bring all my older cartoon movies. I belive the crazy loud people in our class will pass, they better or it will get pretty boring. I miss my mom, my wife, my cat and my boys.. this weekend im comming home, then the next and the next .. pretty much all of october weekends i will be home. every night i heard the drunks outside, trying to get lucky with the vast selection of slutters in res. though not my wing, I have the anti-social hallway. Except for the girl a few doors down who i got to open my little bottle of baileys.so yes, thats my update because I cant think of much else. Wait yes i can, I HAVE THE INTERNET NOW!! YAAAAAAA. and cable so it all just adds to the sweetness.
Friday, August 19, 2005
In the end there was the beginning, we died our lives away.
Mixed emotion make everything so clear, even the courageous have fears.
We show pride in our woes, ignite the weak for charity.
Nuns chase the boys around, widows take a night to town.
The fire goes out shortly, no more twinkle to the terror.
Civilians killing hero's, london is burning again.
Perfection is a myth
Society tries to install
Freedom is a empty word
Peace will never be achieved
Governments will ensure that one.
The world is turning slowly, to the upside of down.
Once again as it seems, it is a frown.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Is humanity dead or is it all in my head? Our species through evolution keep adding to the mass pollution. The space cadets that rule this world wont do shit, they see to it that in their name we die. Blood for Oil. Nothing is immortal, therefore life is to precious to be trusted in the hands of scientists.
Out to sea sail the ships of hope, hitting an iceberg refusing to keep afloat. Flying high above the earth, engine dysfunction, the fire spurts. Will the fire go out before you hit the ground?
Skipping to her wedding day the young bride is brutally slashed then raped, dying in the forest alone.Driving Little Susie to her first day of school, hit head on by a squad car.
Traveling at the speed of light, one pebble on the track will cause the flight into a massive wreckage. Untangling the dead from machine.
Walking down the street of peace, mugged by Satan, shot by God. All for a quarter to stop the mob. Walking home after prom hit by a drunk driver, pretty girl covered in blood. Justice looks the other way.
Singing carols for christmas, a bomb ticks off blowing the church away. Scattered faiths on the street. A mother-to-be left widowed by a masked gun, on his grave she wrote 'you have a son'.
Faceless mourners cry the tears that have haunted our heart for eternity, and will forever more. People playing god, god playing people of which nobody becomes the victor.
Time is counting down to the astonishing beginning of all end times. The more you deny is the closer it gets, the more you despise it the stronger is becomes. The more that you fear us the bigger it gets, don't be suprised when we destroys ourselves.
Mindless jabber of ancients robbing their own tombs the species are fighting for the right of rioting to claim a little place of their own.
Friday, August 12, 2005
12:32AM - this icon rocks
ok, so here i am slowly getting nervous
off to school soon i go, away from home
time to cut the umbilical cord
i move in on the 5th, and start the 7th
as long as i do well, its worth it
im glad mom has mike or i would never leave
but leaving her behind feels so wrong
not to metion my wife, stormy and my boys
though i think my boys are leaving me
going away to scotland for a year or so
slightly scared mixed with excitment
i am going to be on my own in the city
the city where they don't go shooting people
their more personal and prefer to stab them
greg is there to help me not get lost
even though i will, and it will be an adventure
when the adventure is over i can cab it home
back to my little dorm full of students
my classrooms will be written on my hand
for the first few weeks of course
and if worse comes to worse
i can always call home, seeking support
my wife has promised to check on mom
the boys and stormy from time to time
so they wont get lonely or think ive left them
get a web cam so i can wave to liam
and blow kisses to nairn.
god help us all if anything bad happens
once a month i work, once a month im home
and of couse i will be home for the fair
because everyone comes home for that.
get nathans email so i can check on his life
time to pass over the scissors
and start the next chapter of life
Tuesday, August 2, 2005
4:37PM - i still hate today
Memos of Cat
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing
that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by
weaving around their feet while they were walking
almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these
vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit
on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my
captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food
at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the
headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I
am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.
For no good reason I was chosen for the water
torture. This time however it included a burning
foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could
invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the
piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the
event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the
foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and
how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are
flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely
released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has
got to be an informant. He has mastered their
frightful tongue. (something akin to mole speak) and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports
my every move. Due to his current placement in the
metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it
is only a matter of time...
Sunday, July 10, 2005
more than 200 deaths were punishable by death at the beginning of the 19th century
that is all,
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